It was May 2013 and I joined an on-line forum where people were healing their children from TS and all sorts of other neurological issues. The forum is called Latitudes www.latitudes.org and has been a source of invaluable information for me. After reading many of the threads on that site for hours on end I realized I needed to take Cole to a holistic physician. Thankfully his pediatrician was well aware of one in our area and passed her information on to me.
In early May we visited Dr. Tasneem Bhatia. She has written a pretty famous book called What Doctors Eat and has appeared on the Dr. Oz show many times. According to her she has seen what Cole was experiencing in many children and has been able to heal them. She knows there is a connection and something bigger going on in our environment and its just a matter of time before we figure it out and are able to prevent TS from happening in the first place.
The big concept that I was able to wrap my head around (and many may not agree with me) is that there really is no such thing as Tourette's Syndrome, per see. TS is just the body's way of saying, "Hey something is not right in here and I am going to let you know about it!".
Dr. Taz (as we affectionately call her) saw Cole and did some testing using Chinese medicine techniques that showed a major weakness in Cole's immune system. She suspected (but did not know for sure) that Cole had something called leaky gut.
You may have heard of leaky gut. I know I did and was actually fearing a diagnosis like this because with leaky gut comes major diet changes and since Cole was a dreadful eater, just the thought of removing his favorites gave me anxiety. Leaky gut is a term they use when someones immune system (their gut or small intestines) become permeable and toxins can cross over into the body and actually cause damage to other systems most likely the nervous system since it has such close ties to the gut. In fact, I have heard the gut referred to as the "second brain" because of massive amount of nerves that are located in and around it.
So Cole at this point maybe had leaky gut but why? Dr. Taz's first thoughts were food allergies and she had a food intolerance and sensitivity panel taken on Cole at our 2nd appointment. I want to be clear that there is a difference between a full blown food allergy and an intolerance. Cole had no signs of food allergies at all. His poops were beautiful, he never broke out in hives or had any signs of anaphylaxis, however, he did have eczema and the occasional stomach ache after eating.
The tests came back with some very surprising results. Cole has a severe intolerance to CORN, a moderate intolerance to gluten and a mild intolerance to dairy. I was floored. I knew that I could not remove all these things at once and I had to do it in stages but corn is in EVERYTHING. Corn is hidden in ingredients under such names as citric acid, ascorbic acid, maltodextrin, dextrin, baking powder, HFCS, corn syrup solids, corn startch, fructose, natural colors, vanilla extract (alcholic), and about 50 other names. To put it lightly, corn is really in every single processed food on the shelf of the average grocery store. But why did he have an intolerance to it? How did this happen? I suspect GMOs because 100% of all the corn that goes into making these "processed ingredients" is GMO. Seeds engineered from Monsanto. Now, this is just my opinion, but I am sticking with it.
Now that I was armed with some new information and was told that there was definitely a lot of things going on in Cole's body, I felt a sense of empowerment. There were changes that could be made to help him, I just needed to start implementing them and it was certainly not going to be easy.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
How I Healed My Son's Tourettes Syndrome
Getting up the courage to write this blog (which will come in parts) was no easy task. I have been writing sporadically about "green" eating and living but the journey I just went through makes every single previous blog post pale in comparison. Let me start from the beginning. My son Cole has always been a terrible eater. You may have read some old posts about how I struggled with him as a baby and as a toddler and child his eating habits never improved. Sadly, I must admit that I gave in to his desires just to make sure he was getting enough calories. I was constantly worried that he would lose weight or even shrink! (I know that is not a rational thought but I still had it nonetheless). So his diet eventually morphed into one high in carbs sugar and dairy. I still kept it "organic" as much as I could. We stayed away from HFCS, dyes and fast food but it wasn't enough to keep him healthy.
Around 3 years of age, Cole started making some little grunting noises when he ate. I noticed them right away and promptly asked his pediatrician what they were about. She reassured me that they were nothing and probably just anxiety related and would eventually go away. Eventually, they did but only to return months later as a different sounding grunt. They weren't very frequent so I chalked up to anxiety like the doctor mentioned and assumed they would just go away on their own.
Before he turned 5, Cole developed a "movement" that really had me concerned. It was a head jerk. He would nod his head down sharply and touch his chin to his chest. Again, it was infrequent but it was enough for me to ask the pediatrician about what I should do. Again she assured me it was a transient thing and that it would surely go away. Well, it did. Only to be replaced by knocking knees a couple of months later. Cole would be walking, stop and then knock his knees together 2x and then keep walking. It was actually kind of cute to see but I knew deep down that something was wrong.
I didn't really clue in until the spring after he was 5. It was March and Cole started making a weird noise that involved rolling his tongue. If I could write the noise down it would look like this "brrrreeeeeet". He started making this noise frequently and then almost non-stop. It was then that a friend posted on Facebook about Tourette's Syndrome (her son has it) that I finally looked it up and read the definition. Yep, that is exactly what Cole had and I was devastated.
Tourette's Syndrome is a clinical diagnosis as there is no test that can be done to confirm it. You just go to a neurologist, tell him the symptoms, he will observe and then you get the diagnosis. In order for Tourette's to be diagnosed, the child must have continuous motor ticks and at least one vocal tic present for over a year. Cole fit this description and as soon as I realized it all hell broke loose.
Its like he knew that I knew and suddenly he had 4 motor tics and 3 vocal tics going on at once and their intensity increased as well. His noises were louder, his movements were more jerky, more fierce and it actually looked like he was going to hurt himself. One of his tics was self gagging. He would stick his fingers in his mouth until he gagged. He was punching himself in the head, jerking his head forward and back, knocking knees, doing back bends, flapping his arms, repeating the TV, me and himself and finally SCREAMING on the top of his lungs.
I remember (and will never forget) Mother's Day of 2013. For the entire day, Cole screamed on the top of his lungs 60 times a minute. That is once every second - I counted. I could not interact with him, he was mostly non functional because all he could do was scream. I spiralled into a deep despair because I had no idea what was going to happen to my son.
Everything I read told me that there is no cure. TS was genetic (even though we have none of it in our family) and all the available medications work at best by reducing the tics by 30% with horrid side effects. Some of the antipsychotics reduce the tics more effectively but can leave the child with a permanent movement disorder. This was not something I would ever consider. The most common progression of this syndrome is that the tics would likely get worse as he passed through adolescence with a 60% chance of them subsiding by adulthood. Even then, the co-morbid diagnoses of ADHD and OCD (which are extremely common in kids with TS) may be even harder to deal with than the tics and they would never subside even as he got older. My son was 5 and a half and that was WAY TOO FAR in the future for me to even think about. He was supposed to be starting Kindergarten this coming August and with the way things were, I really didn't think that was going to be possible. I felt like I had no options and how could God deal me such a horrible hand of cards.
So I did what I was supposed to do and took Cole to a neurologist and a psychiatrist and since I have a very solid background in science and biology as well as a voracious appetite for research, nothing they told me surprised me. Cole had Tourette's Syndrome, ADHD, OCD and anxiety. His behavior during those appointments was horrific. He was screaming and not focusing and being a totally different child then the one I had known for the past 5 years. I could understand it and accept it more if Cole was born this way but for the majority of his life, he was a "normal" child (I hate the word normal by the way but for lack of a better word...) and now he had done a complete 180 within a matter of weeks and was this non-functioning child that could not stop making loud noises or forceful movements. At least now I had some answers but really what did that change?
The only thing those diagnoses did for me was to send me into a deeper depression. I was waking up at 2am every night with full blown panic attacks. I mean I would be on the kitchen floor, heart beating through my chest knowing for sure that I was going to die right there in my house. Thankfully, I did not but if any of you have ever had a true panic attack, it feels like the real deal. NOT FUN, I tell you, not fun at all.
The opinion of both these western medicine doctors was to put my 5 year old son on Clonidine. Its a blood pressure medication that has an off label use of reducing tics. Its their first level go-to medication along with another called Tenex but both of the specialists I saw agreed that Clonidine would be the best start for him. I did not agree.
I knew there had to be an answer, something deeper so I drew upon my holistic beliefs and went in search of the solution. It had to be out there and nothing was going to stop me until I found it......
Around 3 years of age, Cole started making some little grunting noises when he ate. I noticed them right away and promptly asked his pediatrician what they were about. She reassured me that they were nothing and probably just anxiety related and would eventually go away. Eventually, they did but only to return months later as a different sounding grunt. They weren't very frequent so I chalked up to anxiety like the doctor mentioned and assumed they would just go away on their own.
Before he turned 5, Cole developed a "movement" that really had me concerned. It was a head jerk. He would nod his head down sharply and touch his chin to his chest. Again, it was infrequent but it was enough for me to ask the pediatrician about what I should do. Again she assured me it was a transient thing and that it would surely go away. Well, it did. Only to be replaced by knocking knees a couple of months later. Cole would be walking, stop and then knock his knees together 2x and then keep walking. It was actually kind of cute to see but I knew deep down that something was wrong.
I didn't really clue in until the spring after he was 5. It was March and Cole started making a weird noise that involved rolling his tongue. If I could write the noise down it would look like this "brrrreeeeeet". He started making this noise frequently and then almost non-stop. It was then that a friend posted on Facebook about Tourette's Syndrome (her son has it) that I finally looked it up and read the definition. Yep, that is exactly what Cole had and I was devastated.
Tourette's Syndrome is a clinical diagnosis as there is no test that can be done to confirm it. You just go to a neurologist, tell him the symptoms, he will observe and then you get the diagnosis. In order for Tourette's to be diagnosed, the child must have continuous motor ticks and at least one vocal tic present for over a year. Cole fit this description and as soon as I realized it all hell broke loose.
Its like he knew that I knew and suddenly he had 4 motor tics and 3 vocal tics going on at once and their intensity increased as well. His noises were louder, his movements were more jerky, more fierce and it actually looked like he was going to hurt himself. One of his tics was self gagging. He would stick his fingers in his mouth until he gagged. He was punching himself in the head, jerking his head forward and back, knocking knees, doing back bends, flapping his arms, repeating the TV, me and himself and finally SCREAMING on the top of his lungs.
I remember (and will never forget) Mother's Day of 2013. For the entire day, Cole screamed on the top of his lungs 60 times a minute. That is once every second - I counted. I could not interact with him, he was mostly non functional because all he could do was scream. I spiralled into a deep despair because I had no idea what was going to happen to my son.
Everything I read told me that there is no cure. TS was genetic (even though we have none of it in our family) and all the available medications work at best by reducing the tics by 30% with horrid side effects. Some of the antipsychotics reduce the tics more effectively but can leave the child with a permanent movement disorder. This was not something I would ever consider. The most common progression of this syndrome is that the tics would likely get worse as he passed through adolescence with a 60% chance of them subsiding by adulthood. Even then, the co-morbid diagnoses of ADHD and OCD (which are extremely common in kids with TS) may be even harder to deal with than the tics and they would never subside even as he got older. My son was 5 and a half and that was WAY TOO FAR in the future for me to even think about. He was supposed to be starting Kindergarten this coming August and with the way things were, I really didn't think that was going to be possible. I felt like I had no options and how could God deal me such a horrible hand of cards.
So I did what I was supposed to do and took Cole to a neurologist and a psychiatrist and since I have a very solid background in science and biology as well as a voracious appetite for research, nothing they told me surprised me. Cole had Tourette's Syndrome, ADHD, OCD and anxiety. His behavior during those appointments was horrific. He was screaming and not focusing and being a totally different child then the one I had known for the past 5 years. I could understand it and accept it more if Cole was born this way but for the majority of his life, he was a "normal" child (I hate the word normal by the way but for lack of a better word...) and now he had done a complete 180 within a matter of weeks and was this non-functioning child that could not stop making loud noises or forceful movements. At least now I had some answers but really what did that change?
The only thing those diagnoses did for me was to send me into a deeper depression. I was waking up at 2am every night with full blown panic attacks. I mean I would be on the kitchen floor, heart beating through my chest knowing for sure that I was going to die right there in my house. Thankfully, I did not but if any of you have ever had a true panic attack, it feels like the real deal. NOT FUN, I tell you, not fun at all.
The opinion of both these western medicine doctors was to put my 5 year old son on Clonidine. Its a blood pressure medication that has an off label use of reducing tics. Its their first level go-to medication along with another called Tenex but both of the specialists I saw agreed that Clonidine would be the best start for him. I did not agree.
I knew there had to be an answer, something deeper so I drew upon my holistic beliefs and went in search of the solution. It had to be out there and nothing was going to stop me until I found it......
Monday, July 9, 2012
Green Solutions For Those On the Go!
So now that I have this juicer and I must say I am pretty addicted to it, I make juices all the time. In the morning I create a nice blend of kiwi, mango, pinapple and coconut milk which makes me feel like I am back in Bora Bora. In the afternoon I concoct my veggie detox with cucumbers, celery, carrots, kale, ginger and an apple. Most of the time I am in between errands or playdates and I don't have time to sit and drink this delicious goodness at home. So I take my juice on the go with me in a nasty plastic container that over time collects bacteria and breaks down releasing toxins that harm the human body. I realize that this is probably not a good idea and would love to take my juice in a regular glass since glass is the best container of them all, but how? I have attemped to before and just wound up with juice all over me and the inside of my car. Trust me, not fun.
Well, I just got reconnected with an old college friend through Facebook of all places and realized very quickly that we shared the same passion for all things green. I was very excited to learn that she (besides being the mother of 4 beautiful children) has started her own "green" company called GreenPaxx. This company is what every giant consumer packaged goods company should strive to be. Its environmentally conscious and manufactures products that are completely non-toxic. The idea is to cut down on all the disposable and non-biodegradable plastic that collects in our landfills every single day. GreenPaxx has developed reusable straws and lids that fit all standard drinking glasses. These lids do not slip off. They are perfect for on-the-go or for kids. They are easy to use and easy to clean. Made of non-toxic silicone, these lids and straws solve a problem for us busy but healthy adults/parents and for our environment. I would use the straws with or with out the caps for whenever I need a straw. Think about all the waste that would be avoided by keeping an extra straw and cap in your purse at all times?
I don't think the average person realizes how much plastic is going into landfills and our oceans every day. Do you know there is a plastic "garbage" zone in the middle of the Pacific Ocean the size of Texas? Seriously, the size of TEXAS. As that plastic breaks down, the petrol inside of the plastic pellets release toxic gases, killing all the wildlife. This is the human footprint. Not enough people believe that their daily actions contribute to this huge problem.
If we all just took baby steps and looked for ways to reuse products that we would normally consider disposable we would be making change in the right direction. GreenPaxx is doing just that. Its so exciting to see new companies with such enviromentally conscious missions. I wish the bigger companies would make the move to more sustainable packaging and ingredients. The only way that can happen is if we choose for them. Remember, its the consumers that have the power. With every purchase, we cast our vote. Let's cast it wisely.
Please check out GreenPaxx and think about trying out one of their really cool products. You will certainly feel good about your purchase and you will be setting a great example for those around you!
Well, I just got reconnected with an old college friend through Facebook of all places and realized very quickly that we shared the same passion for all things green. I was very excited to learn that she (besides being the mother of 4 beautiful children) has started her own "green" company called GreenPaxx. This company is what every giant consumer packaged goods company should strive to be. Its environmentally conscious and manufactures products that are completely non-toxic. The idea is to cut down on all the disposable and non-biodegradable plastic that collects in our landfills every single day. GreenPaxx has developed reusable straws and lids that fit all standard drinking glasses. These lids do not slip off. They are perfect for on-the-go or for kids. They are easy to use and easy to clean. Made of non-toxic silicone, these lids and straws solve a problem for us busy but healthy adults/parents and for our environment. I would use the straws with or with out the caps for whenever I need a straw. Think about all the waste that would be avoided by keeping an extra straw and cap in your purse at all times?
I don't think the average person realizes how much plastic is going into landfills and our oceans every day. Do you know there is a plastic "garbage" zone in the middle of the Pacific Ocean the size of Texas? Seriously, the size of TEXAS. As that plastic breaks down, the petrol inside of the plastic pellets release toxic gases, killing all the wildlife. This is the human footprint. Not enough people believe that their daily actions contribute to this huge problem.
If we all just took baby steps and looked for ways to reuse products that we would normally consider disposable we would be making change in the right direction. GreenPaxx is doing just that. Its so exciting to see new companies with such enviromentally conscious missions. I wish the bigger companies would make the move to more sustainable packaging and ingredients. The only way that can happen is if we choose for them. Remember, its the consumers that have the power. With every purchase, we cast our vote. Let's cast it wisely.
Please check out GreenPaxx and think about trying out one of their really cool products. You will certainly feel good about your purchase and you will be setting a great example for those around you!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Juicing Your Way to Health
So I jumped on the bandwagon. Yep, I did. I got a juicer. To me, they were always kind of intimidating. I guess that's why it took me so long. I didn't know how they worked or how they could actually extract the juice form the fruits and veggies. It seemed like such a mystery to me. I was afraid of all the mess and the clean up. As far as the recipes went, well I was clueless. I wasn't sure what kinds of veggies to use or how much. I didn't realize that its kind of "learn as you go". Experimentation is the key to good juicing!
From all of my research, I have learned some key things about juicers. Let me clear up some confusion for you. Many people think that a VitaMix will suffice as a juicer. This is false. A VitaMix, as amazing as it is at pulverizing anything and everything, will not be a good substitute for your juicer. The reason is that there is no way to extract the pulp or fibrous tissue from the mix. A VitaMix will work effectively for making healthy and delicious smoothies, sauces and blended drinks. But, you need a juicer to make the the real hard core healing potions that I will speak of next.
There are two kinds of juicers (well maybe more than two but I will speak of the 2 most common ones here), a centrifugal juicer and a masticating juicer. The centrifugal juicer will have blades that spin and pulverize the fruit/veggie and the juice will "spin" out of the juicer. A masticating juicer "chews" up the fruit/veggie in order to extract the juice. For things like wheat grass, a masticating juicer is necessary. They tend to be more expensive as well. However, they are more efficient at juicing and are worth the money if you plan in juicing everyday.
Since I got my juicer for free I wasn't able to choose what kind. I only had the choice of a centrifugal juicer and so far its been great. My next juicer will be a masticating one though. Anyway, I looked on-line for some juicing recipes and I found this blog . There are some really great recipes on here that help to detox your body. I noticed that cucumber and celery are the base for most of the recipes and there is good reason. These two veggies really give your colon a good cleansing.
My first juice was the following:
1/2 cucumber
2 celery stalks
2 carrots
1 apple
1 small beet
I realized quickly that it made way too much juice for me and decided to change it to this:
1/2 cucumber
1 celery stalk
1 carrot
1 apple
1/4 beet
This was more palatable and made just the right amount of juice to fill an 8oz glass.
Now I have started to add other veggies such as ginger and kale leaves. I change up my fruit from time to time for different flavors. Instead of an apple, I will use a mango or a kiwi and pineapple. the rule of thumb is not to juice more than 1 or two fruits. Most of your juice should contain veggies and have the fruit for flavoring - although kiwi's do have 3x the amount of calcium as an orange! The problem is that fruit contains a lo more sugar than veggies so its wise to keep them to a minimum.
After about 2 days of juicing I felt the difference. Almost immediate results! I had tons more energy and my skin was looking great. The cucumber will really give you a clear complexion and that is why I add it to every juice I drink. The beets are another story, if you aren't aware that they will turn things red, become aware of it now. You aren't dying, its just the dye from the beet juice! Beets are a good source of iron and an immunity booster/cancer preventor. They are an important ingredient in any juice. I choose to add them sparingly though, just a personal taste.
After about 1 week of juicing my body began to crave it. Now I must have a juice everyday or I don't feel "myself". I guess my body was missing all these powerful superfoods for so long and now that it has had a taste of it, it just wants more.
I would be glad to share my recipes and tips for juicing to anyone interested. Happy Juicing!
From all of my research, I have learned some key things about juicers. Let me clear up some confusion for you. Many people think that a VitaMix will suffice as a juicer. This is false. A VitaMix, as amazing as it is at pulverizing anything and everything, will not be a good substitute for your juicer. The reason is that there is no way to extract the pulp or fibrous tissue from the mix. A VitaMix will work effectively for making healthy and delicious smoothies, sauces and blended drinks. But, you need a juicer to make the the real hard core healing potions that I will speak of next.
There are two kinds of juicers (well maybe more than two but I will speak of the 2 most common ones here), a centrifugal juicer and a masticating juicer. The centrifugal juicer will have blades that spin and pulverize the fruit/veggie and the juice will "spin" out of the juicer. A masticating juicer "chews" up the fruit/veggie in order to extract the juice. For things like wheat grass, a masticating juicer is necessary. They tend to be more expensive as well. However, they are more efficient at juicing and are worth the money if you plan in juicing everyday.
Since I got my juicer for free I wasn't able to choose what kind. I only had the choice of a centrifugal juicer and so far its been great. My next juicer will be a masticating one though. Anyway, I looked on-line for some juicing recipes and I found this blog . There are some really great recipes on here that help to detox your body. I noticed that cucumber and celery are the base for most of the recipes and there is good reason. These two veggies really give your colon a good cleansing.
My first juice was the following:
1/2 cucumber
2 celery stalks
2 carrots
1 apple
1 small beet
I realized quickly that it made way too much juice for me and decided to change it to this:
1/2 cucumber
1 celery stalk
1 carrot
1 apple
1/4 beet
This was more palatable and made just the right amount of juice to fill an 8oz glass.
Now I have started to add other veggies such as ginger and kale leaves. I change up my fruit from time to time for different flavors. Instead of an apple, I will use a mango or a kiwi and pineapple. the rule of thumb is not to juice more than 1 or two fruits. Most of your juice should contain veggies and have the fruit for flavoring - although kiwi's do have 3x the amount of calcium as an orange! The problem is that fruit contains a lo more sugar than veggies so its wise to keep them to a minimum.
After about 2 days of juicing I felt the difference. Almost immediate results! I had tons more energy and my skin was looking great. The cucumber will really give you a clear complexion and that is why I add it to every juice I drink. The beets are another story, if you aren't aware that they will turn things red, become aware of it now. You aren't dying, its just the dye from the beet juice! Beets are a good source of iron and an immunity booster/cancer preventor. They are an important ingredient in any juice. I choose to add them sparingly though, just a personal taste.
After about 1 week of juicing my body began to crave it. Now I must have a juice everyday or I don't feel "myself". I guess my body was missing all these powerful superfoods for so long and now that it has had a taste of it, it just wants more.
I would be glad to share my recipes and tips for juicing to anyone interested. Happy Juicing!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
The Dirty Water Magic Show
We just moved to a new home recently and the "welcome ladies" have been very busy coming by with gifts and free samples galore. Its a great way to get new residents introduced to local businesses but buyer beware. The other day I received a notice on my door, similar to one that FedEx would leave when you aren't home to sign for a package. The notice asked me to call this company "Bueno Neighbor" and give them my special code so that my gift could be delivered.
I called and was told that I would be receiving $50 of restaurant.com gift certificates, however I would have to allow an Eco Water dealer in my house to perform a water purification demonstration at no cost and no pressure to purchase anything. Since I am considering a water purification system anyway, I thought, why not?
Well, this guy shows up to my house with a large black box. He tries to take me through some antiquated slide show (via scrapbook) on the history of the company and the origins of hard water. If you live in the south and get your water from a lake which then must go through treatment before it hits your tap, most likely your water will be hard. It will also contain chlorine as well as fluoride, both of these can be toxic. I was aware of all this before the magician came to my house but I politely listened to his story. He told me he was NOT a sales person but an "advertiser" for the company. Now, with many years in marketing under my belt, I begged to differ with this man. He came into my house with a demo kit and slide show. He was indeed a salesperson, but I digress.
So after the dissertation on hard water was finished, the "advertiser" takes a test tube of my tap water and a test tube of his Eco Water and starts dropping colorful drops of unknown solutions into both. Of course my water turned bright yellow and his water stayed clear. OH NO! Bad sign right there. My water was very hard! Then he tested the chlorine levels by dropping more colorful solutions from unnamed bottles out of his magical black box. Yep! My water definitely contained too much chlorine!! Another bad bad thing. By this point, the average person would be shaking in their shoes about how toxic their tap is and how their entire family is going to die from chlorine poisoning.
Then comes the kicker. Our friendly advertiser tries to demonstrate how much we could be saving if we bought an Eco Water purification system. It was fuzzy math to me, the only thing I saw was how much he wanted us to spend on this system. $7,000!!!! YIKES! However, if we signed on the dotted line that instant, he would give it to us for $6,000. The offer was valid for 15 minutes.
We were floored. Shocked really, that this guy could (with a straight face) ask us to spend $6,000 without even doing 1 minute of our own research on this company, brand or product. I asked him if he could give us some time to think about it, call him tomorrow maybe. NO. It was yes or no that very minute. My husband laughed and sent him on his way, immediately. But before he packed up his gear, I wanted my $50 worth of restaurnt.com gift certificates. The guy was only planning on giving me $25!! The nerve. Needless to say, I got what was coming to me.
I can not believe a company that has been in business since 1925 actually does business this way? Is it possible that people are stupid enough to sign away $6K or more on something they know nothing about? I didn't believe my water was that bad anyway. I had no idea what chemicals he was dropping in it to make it turn those colors. It was a complete magic show. It should be no surprise to anyone that when I Googled the company all sorts of scam reports came up about Eco Water. They are a legit company with as legit product, however, I think its way overpriced and their sales techniques are beyond shady. People are veiwing them as a scam because of their sales techniques.
As for water purification systems, there are many others out there that cost 1/3 the price. I personally am looking not only for a purification system but an ionizer. One that makes the pH of my water more alkaline.
http://www.jupiterionizers.com/ This one was recommended to me by a friend. I am looking into it now and if I purchase, I will give a full report.
The moral of the story. If you don't have a purification system in your home:
1) Drink filtered water (reverse osmosis is a great way to purify)
2) Drink alkaline water (you can buy it by the gallon or get ionizers to drop in a gallon of purified water)
3) Use the purified water for cooking as well
4) Save your money for a purification system but not just to soften the water, get it to make your water healthy. Soft water does not equal healthy water.
5) Don't let any water magicians into your home, I do believe its a scam to some degree.
I called and was told that I would be receiving $50 of restaurant.com gift certificates, however I would have to allow an Eco Water dealer in my house to perform a water purification demonstration at no cost and no pressure to purchase anything. Since I am considering a water purification system anyway, I thought, why not?
Well, this guy shows up to my house with a large black box. He tries to take me through some antiquated slide show (via scrapbook) on the history of the company and the origins of hard water. If you live in the south and get your water from a lake which then must go through treatment before it hits your tap, most likely your water will be hard. It will also contain chlorine as well as fluoride, both of these can be toxic. I was aware of all this before the magician came to my house but I politely listened to his story. He told me he was NOT a sales person but an "advertiser" for the company. Now, with many years in marketing under my belt, I begged to differ with this man. He came into my house with a demo kit and slide show. He was indeed a salesperson, but I digress.
So after the dissertation on hard water was finished, the "advertiser" takes a test tube of my tap water and a test tube of his Eco Water and starts dropping colorful drops of unknown solutions into both. Of course my water turned bright yellow and his water stayed clear. OH NO! Bad sign right there. My water was very hard! Then he tested the chlorine levels by dropping more colorful solutions from unnamed bottles out of his magical black box. Yep! My water definitely contained too much chlorine!! Another bad bad thing. By this point, the average person would be shaking in their shoes about how toxic their tap is and how their entire family is going to die from chlorine poisoning.
Then comes the kicker. Our friendly advertiser tries to demonstrate how much we could be saving if we bought an Eco Water purification system. It was fuzzy math to me, the only thing I saw was how much he wanted us to spend on this system. $7,000!!!! YIKES! However, if we signed on the dotted line that instant, he would give it to us for $6,000. The offer was valid for 15 minutes.
We were floored. Shocked really, that this guy could (with a straight face) ask us to spend $6,000 without even doing 1 minute of our own research on this company, brand or product. I asked him if he could give us some time to think about it, call him tomorrow maybe. NO. It was yes or no that very minute. My husband laughed and sent him on his way, immediately. But before he packed up his gear, I wanted my $50 worth of restaurnt.com gift certificates. The guy was only planning on giving me $25!! The nerve. Needless to say, I got what was coming to me.
I can not believe a company that has been in business since 1925 actually does business this way? Is it possible that people are stupid enough to sign away $6K or more on something they know nothing about? I didn't believe my water was that bad anyway. I had no idea what chemicals he was dropping in it to make it turn those colors. It was a complete magic show. It should be no surprise to anyone that when I Googled the company all sorts of scam reports came up about Eco Water. They are a legit company with as legit product, however, I think its way overpriced and their sales techniques are beyond shady. People are veiwing them as a scam because of their sales techniques.
As for water purification systems, there are many others out there that cost 1/3 the price. I personally am looking not only for a purification system but an ionizer. One that makes the pH of my water more alkaline.
http://www.jupiterionizers.com/ This one was recommended to me by a friend. I am looking into it now and if I purchase, I will give a full report.
The moral of the story. If you don't have a purification system in your home:
1) Drink filtered water (reverse osmosis is a great way to purify)
2) Drink alkaline water (you can buy it by the gallon or get ionizers to drop in a gallon of purified water)
3) Use the purified water for cooking as well
4) Save your money for a purification system but not just to soften the water, get it to make your water healthy. Soft water does not equal healthy water.
5) Don't let any water magicians into your home, I do believe its a scam to some degree.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Johnson & Johnson Is Poisoning Our Children
Johnson & Johnson, a household name when it comes to baby products has been putting known carcinogens into its shampoos, body washes and creams for years. Its only now, that people are becoming more aware of it and finally taking action. I have blogged before about the dangers of using big "brand" consumer products and finally these dangers are being uncovered by the general public.
Activists such as Breast Cancer Fund, Environmental
Working Group, Friends of the Earth, American Nurses Association,
Physicians for Social Responsibility and Green America are calling for a boycott of J&J's baby products because of the harmful chemicals that they use in their shampoos, body washes and lotions.
J&J can get away with this crime because it has such deep pockets and can keep the FDA and any other government agency off its back by greasing the hands of the politicians. Big Pharma is controlling our lives.
Here are some of the chemicals in the baby products manufactured by J&J and their known and scientifically proven health effects: Mineral
oil (skin cancer), methylisothiazolinone (neurotoxin), phthalate esters
(asthma, allergies, eczema), 1,4-dioxane (carcinogen, neurotoxin), formaldehyde (cancer, breathing problems).
Do you want to expose your children to this? I can't even believe that formaldehyde would be considered as an ingredient in a baby product. Shame on this country for allowing it!! Many other countries outside of the united states have banned these type of chemicals from being used in personal care products. J&J feels there is no danger to humans because they are using these chemicals in such small doses. However, the human body doesn't work that way. Overtime these chemicals build up in our bodies and can have a toxic cumulative effect on our organs.
Here is a link to an article about J&J's toxic chemicals as well as other links to recent news about this:
In recent news, formaldehyde has been cited as the cause for sickness in many hair salons across the country that use the Brazilian Blow Out hair straightening treatment. Because of the fumes from the hair creams, hair stylists have been getting nose bleeds and headaches among other illnesses. The Brazilian Blow Out is expected to be banned from most salons until they remove the formaldehyde from the ingredient list. The company denies that it contains this chemical, but independent studies have confirmed that formaldehyde is present when the cream is being applied to the hair and is being inhaled by anyone in close proximity.
Since YOU are the only one that can control what goes into or onto your body, take heed and read all the ingredients. If you can't pronounce it, don't buy it. If you can pronounce it but don't know what it is, look it up and then decide.
I have been using California Baby Products since my children were born. These products are chemical free and fragrance free. They are more expensive but I personally think its something I don't want to gamble with. Method baby products also claim to be chemical free but I have been sticking with California Baby. If you really want to be sure, just buy all your baby products at a health food store or a place like Whole foods. I certainly think your little one is worth it!
Here is a link to the post about chemicals that I wrote back in 2009: http://caraendriss.blogspot.com/2009/08/chemicals-chemicals-everywhere.html
Here is a link to the post about chemicals that I wrote back in 2009: http://caraendriss.blogspot.com/2009/08/chemicals-chemicals-everywhere.html
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
9.11 Ten Years Later: An Ordinary Story
Every year around this time, I get the blues. James Hurst said it best in the Scarlett Ibis (one of the most painfully sad short stories I have ever read). "It was in the clove of seasons, summer was dead but autumn had not yet been born". This is the particular time I am referring to. I never know at the time why I get the blues until it just creeps up on me like a small child standing at the side of my bed in the middle of the night. Then, ah! of course, its my subconscious at work once again. It seems to be able to absorb these feelings and understand them way before I get the chance to process it all. Every year, the same thing and every year I am still surprised by it. I'm surprised at how raw these feelings still are. How fresh the pain still is. After ten years you'd think my emotions would dull. But no, my wounds are still at the surface and can open up and bleed at anytime. Especially this time of year.
I try not to watch the TV specials that run rampant this time of year or relive that day over. My memories still serve me well enough. But this year is the 10th anniversary. Bin Laden is dead and the new towers are rising, like phoenixes from the ashes of destruction. We are moving on and rebuilding and finally there will be a place to come to reflect and honor those that lost their lives on that dreadful day. The memorial fountains that now stand in the footprints of the old Twin Towers look beautiful and massive and forlorn. Just writing about it here makes me well up and sob. So close to the surface are all these feelings. That is why I am compelled to tell my story. Maybe it will help me deal with some of these emotions a little better. Help me to keep a stiff upper lip and not cry at the image of the Towers that once stood or the pictures of friends that once lived.
Its a very ordinary story and one that you may have heard before. There are thousands of stories just like it. I share this story with every person that was on the island of Manhattan on 9.11.01:
It was a glorious Tuesday morning. One of those "post hurricane days" although no hurricane had blown through. The sky was bright blue, the air was crisp and cool but so comfortable. Not a cloud in the sky. Sound familiar? I woke up feeling great because that night was supposed to be my promotion party at a bar aptly named "Boom" down in the village. My old buddies from the 14th floor at the Colgate-Palmolive
Company were throwing it for me as I had been promoted to the operations side of the business. It was a new beginning for me and all very exciting.
I did the usual, took the 6 train down to 51st street and climbed the stairs up to the street level. The bright sunlight warmed my skin and I walked west to Park Avenue. I heard an airplane cross the patch of sky overhead. It sounded way too close. A very low flying plane that startled me but I quickly dismissed the event and entered my building to start my work day. Thinking back now, I am unable to escape the sound that the plane made that morning. It has been recorded permanently in my brain, easily triggered by similar sounds.
I made my way to my new office on the 10th floor (it was the 2nd day in my new position) and turned on my computer. Quickly (within seconds) an IM from a friend popped up on my screen: "check out the plane that just hit one of the Twin Towers". By then, I had forgotten about the low flying plane I just witnessed and did not make the connection till later. I clicked on CNN.com and with a slow connection (due to cyber traffic) was able to pull up a live picture. I thought, "Wow, that is crazy! Some little plane really went off course." I was continuing to IM with my friend and we discussed how it must have been a Cessna or small private plane that hit. I learned that the plane's impact was just below the famous restaurant Windows On The World and immediately called my colleague Sharon that was getting married at that very restaurant in a month's time (10.28.01). She was just as shocked and I said encouraging things like, "I am sure they will get it all fixed by the time of your wedding." She agreed and after a brief discussion we went back to our jobs.
Another colleague in the office next to me was listening to her radio and softly I could make out what they were saying. No new updates or details about the plane, but firefighters and first responders were already down there trying to evacuate the Tower. I think by that time I had opened a spreadsheet and was working on budgets for a while. Then a phone call from my IM friend, "Another plane hit Tower 2, its terrorism". After about 30 seconds I was able to process the gravity of the situation. Then I heard it on the radio next to me. These were not small planes, these were jet liners, giant, gas and passenger filled jetliners that were hijacked and driven into these buildings intent on causing mass destruction. All of this was happening less than 2 miles from where I sat.
I called my parents. I told them I was OK and that I would remain safe and check in with them periodically. Since they live on the south shore of Long Island, a clear shot of the Twin Towers is possible on a clear day. If I remember correctly, the Towers were about the size of your pinkie if you held it up in front of your face. Since that day was exceptionally clear, they told me they could see the smoke from their house. A small plume off in the distance but growing in size and getting darker. The nightmare was becoming more real every second.
Then the Pentagon. Then panic. We all ran into our VP's office. He had a TV with the Today Show on. We all huddled in there staring in disbelief at what we saw. I can't really describe the panic, fear and violation that we all felt but it was so palpable in that room. Words were uttered, "we are all going to die, aren't we?". We did not know the answer, all we did know was that NY was a target and that there was another plane still in the air that had been hijacked. We watched. We listened to Katie Couric and Matt Lauer. They were as clueless as we were. We all lived through this together in real time.
I saw the top of Tower 2 start to tilt to the side. I couldn't imagine the impact of the plane could bring it down but before my very eyes, it happened. A structure so prominent in my early and young adult life, an icon to the city of NY and a symbol of strength and power to the country and the world was crumbling to the ground in an almost "tidy vertical drop". Fifteen seconds it took, maybe, and then gone. An open space filled with thick smoke covering most of downtown took its place. Shock overcame me. I think in times like this, when its too much for the brain to process, adrenaline takes over. Life saving impulses that humans have been born with since the dawn of time kind of kick in. Well, at least they did for me. What I had just witnessed on TV was the most unimaginable thing I could have ever seen in ten thousand lives. One of the Twin Towers just came down. Boom. Gone.
I ran back to my office and on my computer screen was another IM from my friend Tom. He was working from home on 40th street and told me to come there. His three brothers were meeting him and we could all be together and safe. I thought about what it would take to get there and then told him I would. I was so scared that I was going to die right there in that office and would have rather been with friends in that moment. So I went back into the VP's office to see more of the Today Show and tell the others what my plan was. Then I saw it. The top of Tower 1 rocking and burning and then falling in the same perfectly neat way as its sister. It imploded in an instant and I prayed to God right there. A God that I did not fully believe in at the time. I prayed for this to be a dream and to wake me up to a reality I could accept. I prayed for him to keep me alive and to save the people in that building. The core of my existence had been rocked so hard in that moment that no thoughts could have helped me to understand what was going on. All I knew was that I was getting the hell out of there, right that moment. My boss tried to stop me, but I kept running.
I took the stairs down to the street and ran out onto Park Ave. People were everywhere. Their faces were painted with a look of panic and shock. They were all frantically trying to get answers from one another. Everyone was talking at hyper speeds, to each other and to their cell phones. Strangers were talking to each other, some running and some crossing the street aimlessly, not knowing where to go. There was no public transportation and shortly all communication (such as cell phones) would be cut off as well. I ran down 49th street towards 3rd avenue. Looking back, I wish I had a tape recorder to capture the sounds I witnessed on that 10 block trip. My words can not do them justice. As I turned onto 3rd avenue and began to jog south, I could see the giant cloud of smoke making its way uptown. I knew that lives were going to be lost at that point but to what degree, I had no idea. I kept up my brisk pace and made it to Tom's apartment where he and his 3 brothers had made it as well. Tom's apartment was a studio high up on floor 20 or so overlooking the UN. When I realized this, I had second thoughts about my decision. If these terrorists were planning on other plane attacks, wouldn't the UN be on the list? They convinced me to stay and we all sat and watched the event continue to unfold for hours to come. I remember one of the brothers went out on a beer run and came back with a case and we all drank because there was nothing else we could do. We sat and cataloged a list of friends that we knew worked down there and prayed that their would be survivors.
My phone was out and I had no way of contacting anyone for most of that day. We were cutoff and left alone to watch the biggest tragedy of our young lives. As I watched the images on TV (images so familiar to us all now) I kept trying to see the towers behind all the smoke. My mind was not letting me accept that they were gone. But as the wind blew the plume of smoke, it bended and twisted and where the top of the towers should have been was nothing. A void.
Around 6pm that night (things get hazy at this point due to mind exhaustion) my cell service finally came back on. I called my parents to tell them I was still alive and OK. Then I called my friend Kristen that worked downtown next to Trinity Church. Her husband was a commodities trader at the Mercantile building down there as well. They were on a wild and frantic search for each other through the cloud of smoke, mayhem and confusion that engulfed downtown that morning. Thankfully they were reunited and ran all the way up to 86th street, deeply affected by the sights they witnessed. I was elated to know they were safe and back in their apartment.
That night I walked home 37 blocks back to my apartment on 77th street and tried to sleep.
The day that followed was one of groggy disengagement. I woke after a rather restless sleep and made my way down the stairs of my 5th floor walk-up to the sidewalk outside. What would have been a bustling, bright and sunny Wednesday morning looked more like a strange ghost town in a foreign land. There were a small number of people scattered about, sitting on steps or meandering slowly past my door but not one of them made a noise. The city was void of noise or sound of any kind. It was that scene from Devil's Advocate when Al Pacino creates that utter nothingness on the streets of midtown for Keanu Reeves. No cars, no buses, no people, no sound. The busiest city in the world was suddenly and abruptly turned off. No one had any words to speak. The aftermath of this horror was quickly becoming clear. The city was changed forever.
I made my calls for the day and quickly learned that two men I had known were missing in the rubble. Michael E. Brennan Ladder #4 and Thomas (Tommy) Foley Rescue #3 in the Bronx. Mike was last heard from in the Marriott Hotel just next to the twin towers and Tommy was one of the very first responders to the south tower, tower 2. They both saved lives. At that point in time, I still had hope we would find them. However, as the days following 9.11 passed on without any survivors, we all knew the fate of these men.
These men did not know each other but shared so many similarities. Both Irish Americans with an incredible sense of humor and fun loving disposition. They were caring and concerned and most of all, very loved. They gave so much for their profession, dedicated firefighters until the end.
September 12th marked the beginning of new sounds that would be heard over the next 4 months in my beloved city. Sounds of big, heavy metal dump trucks barreling up 1st avenue carrying rubble and disintegrated steel from the burning "pit". It was an endless parade of these trucks. They just kept coming uptown and going back downtown, up and down, completing the basic but seemingly impossible task of digging out. The sounds of F-16s flying over head non-stop. To this day I shudder if I hear one too close.
There were smells too. At the time I was going for my MBA at NYU at night and when I was below 14th street, I would smell it. A burnt rubber sort of smell. I tried hard not to imagine what I was smelling and I am sure it did no good for me to inhale those particles. I had no choice. Life had to go on and I had to study and take tests. I had to go to work and plan the budget for the upcoming year.
I had to go to my friend's wedding on October 28th that was now being held at the Waldorf Astoria instead of Windows on the World. I had to attend the funeral and memorial of my two friends that perished down there saving lives. I had to pass by hundreds of funerals being held every single weekend in every church on every corner in NYC. Bagpipers were in attendance at many of them and we would just stand and listen. Absorbing it all and mourning ourselves.
I went to happy hours and saw firefighters that lived but were beyond depressed, drinking and crying at the local bars. It was a dark time that fall and there was no light at the end of the tunnel.
But eventually we emerged. We survived. We went on with our lives and our day to day got easier. Except when I was was downtown. Down there was an empty hole in the sky. It loomed large and if I squinted hard enough, I could see them standing there. Two huge silver towers looming over their city. Keeping watch.
Someone painted a mural of them on a brick wall somewhere in the East Village. When I saw it, I started crying uncontrollably. The loss of those buildings scarred me more than I can explain. I had a deep connection with those towers from when I was very little. My aunt worked in Tower 1 on the 55th floor and would take me to work with her in the summers of 80 and 81. The Towers were so young back then, new and shiny. Everyone that worked down there felt so lucky to be a part of it all. You could see the Statue of Liberty from the "board room" on the 55th floor and I was beyond thrilled to get a glimpse. Cars looked like ants from below and there was a "moon rock" in the lobby that moved mysteriously on its own. Those memories are etched in my mind. As my Aunt is now gone so are those towers. All three of them left me in a horrific and tragic manner. (I won't go into the loss of my aunt). As an adult, I worked in those towers from time to time when I was a CPA at Ernst & Young LLP. Some of my financial clients resided there. I would also go salsa dancing at the Greatest Bar on Earth on Thursday nights and be very afraid to walk to the windows because it was on the top floor. I am terrified of heights.
But this ordinary story has to end right? There needs to be an ending somewhere. So I guess I will tell you that on the 1st anniversary of 9.11 I opened all the windows in my apartment and the wind filled up my rooms and swirled, twisted and turned. It haunted as well as invigorated me with all the souls that perished. I know it sounds crazy but it did happen. A wind that came from almost no where because it was not a windy day at all, whipped its way into my living room, blowing my drapes high to the ceiling and put a knowing smile on my face...through the tears. NYC and I shared a secret that day. The day I will never forget.
I now live 1 thousand miles away from NYC and have a beautiful family of my own. Time gets away from me each year. But my trusty subconscious never fails to remind me of the upcoming anniversary. Now I greet these feelings with acceptance and appreciation for what has been given to me. I thank God for all my blessings.
If you read this story, I thank you. Writing it and re-reading it has helped me to heal just a little bit more. I look forward to visiting the memorial next summer and getting the chance to experience the re building of ground zero first hand. I long for the day when "Ground Zero" becomes renamed the "World Trade Center" once again.
I try not to watch the TV specials that run rampant this time of year or relive that day over. My memories still serve me well enough. But this year is the 10th anniversary. Bin Laden is dead and the new towers are rising, like phoenixes from the ashes of destruction. We are moving on and rebuilding and finally there will be a place to come to reflect and honor those that lost their lives on that dreadful day. The memorial fountains that now stand in the footprints of the old Twin Towers look beautiful and massive and forlorn. Just writing about it here makes me well up and sob. So close to the surface are all these feelings. That is why I am compelled to tell my story. Maybe it will help me deal with some of these emotions a little better. Help me to keep a stiff upper lip and not cry at the image of the Towers that once stood or the pictures of friends that once lived.
Its a very ordinary story and one that you may have heard before. There are thousands of stories just like it. I share this story with every person that was on the island of Manhattan on 9.11.01:
It was a glorious Tuesday morning. One of those "post hurricane days" although no hurricane had blown through. The sky was bright blue, the air was crisp and cool but so comfortable. Not a cloud in the sky. Sound familiar? I woke up feeling great because that night was supposed to be my promotion party at a bar aptly named "Boom" down in the village. My old buddies from the 14th floor at the Colgate-Palmolive
Company were throwing it for me as I had been promoted to the operations side of the business. It was a new beginning for me and all very exciting.
I did the usual, took the 6 train down to 51st street and climbed the stairs up to the street level. The bright sunlight warmed my skin and I walked west to Park Avenue. I heard an airplane cross the patch of sky overhead. It sounded way too close. A very low flying plane that startled me but I quickly dismissed the event and entered my building to start my work day. Thinking back now, I am unable to escape the sound that the plane made that morning. It has been recorded permanently in my brain, easily triggered by similar sounds.
I made my way to my new office on the 10th floor (it was the 2nd day in my new position) and turned on my computer. Quickly (within seconds) an IM from a friend popped up on my screen: "check out the plane that just hit one of the Twin Towers". By then, I had forgotten about the low flying plane I just witnessed and did not make the connection till later. I clicked on CNN.com and with a slow connection (due to cyber traffic) was able to pull up a live picture. I thought, "Wow, that is crazy! Some little plane really went off course." I was continuing to IM with my friend and we discussed how it must have been a Cessna or small private plane that hit. I learned that the plane's impact was just below the famous restaurant Windows On The World and immediately called my colleague Sharon that was getting married at that very restaurant in a month's time (10.28.01). She was just as shocked and I said encouraging things like, "I am sure they will get it all fixed by the time of your wedding." She agreed and after a brief discussion we went back to our jobs.
Another colleague in the office next to me was listening to her radio and softly I could make out what they were saying. No new updates or details about the plane, but firefighters and first responders were already down there trying to evacuate the Tower. I think by that time I had opened a spreadsheet and was working on budgets for a while. Then a phone call from my IM friend, "Another plane hit Tower 2, its terrorism". After about 30 seconds I was able to process the gravity of the situation. Then I heard it on the radio next to me. These were not small planes, these were jet liners, giant, gas and passenger filled jetliners that were hijacked and driven into these buildings intent on causing mass destruction. All of this was happening less than 2 miles from where I sat.
I called my parents. I told them I was OK and that I would remain safe and check in with them periodically. Since they live on the south shore of Long Island, a clear shot of the Twin Towers is possible on a clear day. If I remember correctly, the Towers were about the size of your pinkie if you held it up in front of your face. Since that day was exceptionally clear, they told me they could see the smoke from their house. A small plume off in the distance but growing in size and getting darker. The nightmare was becoming more real every second.
Then the Pentagon. Then panic. We all ran into our VP's office. He had a TV with the Today Show on. We all huddled in there staring in disbelief at what we saw. I can't really describe the panic, fear and violation that we all felt but it was so palpable in that room. Words were uttered, "we are all going to die, aren't we?". We did not know the answer, all we did know was that NY was a target and that there was another plane still in the air that had been hijacked. We watched. We listened to Katie Couric and Matt Lauer. They were as clueless as we were. We all lived through this together in real time.
I saw the top of Tower 2 start to tilt to the side. I couldn't imagine the impact of the plane could bring it down but before my very eyes, it happened. A structure so prominent in my early and young adult life, an icon to the city of NY and a symbol of strength and power to the country and the world was crumbling to the ground in an almost "tidy vertical drop". Fifteen seconds it took, maybe, and then gone. An open space filled with thick smoke covering most of downtown took its place. Shock overcame me. I think in times like this, when its too much for the brain to process, adrenaline takes over. Life saving impulses that humans have been born with since the dawn of time kind of kick in. Well, at least they did for me. What I had just witnessed on TV was the most unimaginable thing I could have ever seen in ten thousand lives. One of the Twin Towers just came down. Boom. Gone.
I ran back to my office and on my computer screen was another IM from my friend Tom. He was working from home on 40th street and told me to come there. His three brothers were meeting him and we could all be together and safe. I thought about what it would take to get there and then told him I would. I was so scared that I was going to die right there in that office and would have rather been with friends in that moment. So I went back into the VP's office to see more of the Today Show and tell the others what my plan was. Then I saw it. The top of Tower 1 rocking and burning and then falling in the same perfectly neat way as its sister. It imploded in an instant and I prayed to God right there. A God that I did not fully believe in at the time. I prayed for this to be a dream and to wake me up to a reality I could accept. I prayed for him to keep me alive and to save the people in that building. The core of my existence had been rocked so hard in that moment that no thoughts could have helped me to understand what was going on. All I knew was that I was getting the hell out of there, right that moment. My boss tried to stop me, but I kept running.
I took the stairs down to the street and ran out onto Park Ave. People were everywhere. Their faces were painted with a look of panic and shock. They were all frantically trying to get answers from one another. Everyone was talking at hyper speeds, to each other and to their cell phones. Strangers were talking to each other, some running and some crossing the street aimlessly, not knowing where to go. There was no public transportation and shortly all communication (such as cell phones) would be cut off as well. I ran down 49th street towards 3rd avenue. Looking back, I wish I had a tape recorder to capture the sounds I witnessed on that 10 block trip. My words can not do them justice. As I turned onto 3rd avenue and began to jog south, I could see the giant cloud of smoke making its way uptown. I knew that lives were going to be lost at that point but to what degree, I had no idea. I kept up my brisk pace and made it to Tom's apartment where he and his 3 brothers had made it as well. Tom's apartment was a studio high up on floor 20 or so overlooking the UN. When I realized this, I had second thoughts about my decision. If these terrorists were planning on other plane attacks, wouldn't the UN be on the list? They convinced me to stay and we all sat and watched the event continue to unfold for hours to come. I remember one of the brothers went out on a beer run and came back with a case and we all drank because there was nothing else we could do. We sat and cataloged a list of friends that we knew worked down there and prayed that their would be survivors.
My phone was out and I had no way of contacting anyone for most of that day. We were cutoff and left alone to watch the biggest tragedy of our young lives. As I watched the images on TV (images so familiar to us all now) I kept trying to see the towers behind all the smoke. My mind was not letting me accept that they were gone. But as the wind blew the plume of smoke, it bended and twisted and where the top of the towers should have been was nothing. A void.
Around 6pm that night (things get hazy at this point due to mind exhaustion) my cell service finally came back on. I called my parents to tell them I was still alive and OK. Then I called my friend Kristen that worked downtown next to Trinity Church. Her husband was a commodities trader at the Mercantile building down there as well. They were on a wild and frantic search for each other through the cloud of smoke, mayhem and confusion that engulfed downtown that morning. Thankfully they were reunited and ran all the way up to 86th street, deeply affected by the sights they witnessed. I was elated to know they were safe and back in their apartment.
That night I walked home 37 blocks back to my apartment on 77th street and tried to sleep.
The day that followed was one of groggy disengagement. I woke after a rather restless sleep and made my way down the stairs of my 5th floor walk-up to the sidewalk outside. What would have been a bustling, bright and sunny Wednesday morning looked more like a strange ghost town in a foreign land. There were a small number of people scattered about, sitting on steps or meandering slowly past my door but not one of them made a noise. The city was void of noise or sound of any kind. It was that scene from Devil's Advocate when Al Pacino creates that utter nothingness on the streets of midtown for Keanu Reeves. No cars, no buses, no people, no sound. The busiest city in the world was suddenly and abruptly turned off. No one had any words to speak. The aftermath of this horror was quickly becoming clear. The city was changed forever.
I made my calls for the day and quickly learned that two men I had known were missing in the rubble. Michael E. Brennan Ladder #4 and Thomas (Tommy) Foley Rescue #3 in the Bronx. Mike was last heard from in the Marriott Hotel just next to the twin towers and Tommy was one of the very first responders to the south tower, tower 2. They both saved lives. At that point in time, I still had hope we would find them. However, as the days following 9.11 passed on without any survivors, we all knew the fate of these men.
These men did not know each other but shared so many similarities. Both Irish Americans with an incredible sense of humor and fun loving disposition. They were caring and concerned and most of all, very loved. They gave so much for their profession, dedicated firefighters until the end.
September 12th marked the beginning of new sounds that would be heard over the next 4 months in my beloved city. Sounds of big, heavy metal dump trucks barreling up 1st avenue carrying rubble and disintegrated steel from the burning "pit". It was an endless parade of these trucks. They just kept coming uptown and going back downtown, up and down, completing the basic but seemingly impossible task of digging out. The sounds of F-16s flying over head non-stop. To this day I shudder if I hear one too close.
There were smells too. At the time I was going for my MBA at NYU at night and when I was below 14th street, I would smell it. A burnt rubber sort of smell. I tried hard not to imagine what I was smelling and I am sure it did no good for me to inhale those particles. I had no choice. Life had to go on and I had to study and take tests. I had to go to work and plan the budget for the upcoming year.
I had to go to my friend's wedding on October 28th that was now being held at the Waldorf Astoria instead of Windows on the World. I had to attend the funeral and memorial of my two friends that perished down there saving lives. I had to pass by hundreds of funerals being held every single weekend in every church on every corner in NYC. Bagpipers were in attendance at many of them and we would just stand and listen. Absorbing it all and mourning ourselves.
I went to happy hours and saw firefighters that lived but were beyond depressed, drinking and crying at the local bars. It was a dark time that fall and there was no light at the end of the tunnel.
But eventually we emerged. We survived. We went on with our lives and our day to day got easier. Except when I was was downtown. Down there was an empty hole in the sky. It loomed large and if I squinted hard enough, I could see them standing there. Two huge silver towers looming over their city. Keeping watch.
Someone painted a mural of them on a brick wall somewhere in the East Village. When I saw it, I started crying uncontrollably. The loss of those buildings scarred me more than I can explain. I had a deep connection with those towers from when I was very little. My aunt worked in Tower 1 on the 55th floor and would take me to work with her in the summers of 80 and 81. The Towers were so young back then, new and shiny. Everyone that worked down there felt so lucky to be a part of it all. You could see the Statue of Liberty from the "board room" on the 55th floor and I was beyond thrilled to get a glimpse. Cars looked like ants from below and there was a "moon rock" in the lobby that moved mysteriously on its own. Those memories are etched in my mind. As my Aunt is now gone so are those towers. All three of them left me in a horrific and tragic manner. (I won't go into the loss of my aunt). As an adult, I worked in those towers from time to time when I was a CPA at Ernst & Young LLP. Some of my financial clients resided there. I would also go salsa dancing at the Greatest Bar on Earth on Thursday nights and be very afraid to walk to the windows because it was on the top floor. I am terrified of heights.
But this ordinary story has to end right? There needs to be an ending somewhere. So I guess I will tell you that on the 1st anniversary of 9.11 I opened all the windows in my apartment and the wind filled up my rooms and swirled, twisted and turned. It haunted as well as invigorated me with all the souls that perished. I know it sounds crazy but it did happen. A wind that came from almost no where because it was not a windy day at all, whipped its way into my living room, blowing my drapes high to the ceiling and put a knowing smile on my face...through the tears. NYC and I shared a secret that day. The day I will never forget.
I now live 1 thousand miles away from NYC and have a beautiful family of my own. Time gets away from me each year. But my trusty subconscious never fails to remind me of the upcoming anniversary. Now I greet these feelings with acceptance and appreciation for what has been given to me. I thank God for all my blessings.
If you read this story, I thank you. Writing it and re-reading it has helped me to heal just a little bit more. I look forward to visiting the memorial next summer and getting the chance to experience the re building of ground zero first hand. I long for the day when "Ground Zero" becomes renamed the "World Trade Center" once again.
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